Lost Sheep left a comment on a previous post that my report of the Fred Whitton was tinged with disappointment. While I didn't think I was writing it that way, rereading it does suggest a certain dissatisfaction with my performance.
I am proud of my achievement. It was the toughest ride I have ever done and would not have been possible 12 months ago but I do have a nagging thought in the back of my head that I could have done better. I am aware that its not logical and I should be basking in the glory of a job well done but it is there.
This is not the first time I've reacted this way. In fact, I do it all the time. I was fine after my first London marathon in 2002 as I had no idea I could even finish that distance and sub 5 hours seemed fine. It wasn't until the second attempt that I knew I could go a lot faster that I started heaping pressure on myself. Sub-4 was the goal but it took me 4 more marathons and a lot of stress until I achieved it. Even when I did it in Edinburgh last year, I knew that I could have pushed that little bit more and got sub 3:50.
Its not just marathons. I broke my 5K PB two months ago but I knew I hadn't given it absolutely everything so was annoyed. I'm not sure what state I'd have to be in to be happy. Maybe puking at the finish line and then collapsing would do it.
The up side is that I am always keen to do another race to try and go quicker or further but the negative is that I don't enjoy my achievements for long. So I'll have to go back to Hardknott at some point and get up in one go rather than with a couple of stops as well as finishing in under 8 hours. I hope that will do but I suspect not.
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5 comments:
My message may have come across a little bad too - I didn't mean that you were mightily miffed by your progress, just maybe a little. I
t could have been the way I read it too - I often read between the lines.
I think generally everyone has a tinge of disappointment in anything they do along with the though of being able to do better - i know I do. But, you know what? if you didn't, I'd think you weren't human!
Sorry, if it came across any other way, it wasn't meant to.
Don't worry LS, you were spot on. No offense taken.
That's good to know :oD
interesting points that i can really empathise with.
strangely, if i've done less training and preparation i tend to feel better after the event. it's as if the excuses make it easy to justify my 'performance', so there's less pressure which makes it more enjoyable.
but when i feel i've trained hard and things still don't go to plan then disappointment doesn't even come close.
the mind is a funny old thing!
I know what you mean Kate. Those races where you have no expectations, you were up too late the night before having a large meal and a bottle of wine and you forget half your stuff but still get within a sniff of your PB are superb.
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